4 Newlywed Questions You Should Not Ask

I have been married for just over a year and have been asked many questions about marriage within that timespan.

photo credit: Catherine via creative commons

photo credit: Catherine via creative commons

People want to be nice and try to say something courteous but most often when they ask about Morgan, or about marriage in general, it’s incredibly awkward. Here are the top four questions not to ask newlyweds.

1) When are you having kids?

By a landslide this is the question I am asked most often. What are they expecting to hear? If I said, “we are trying to daily” I can only imagine the look on their face. If I say, “never” they look disgusted and confused. If you are wanting to ask someone this, don’t do it. This is a subject the couple has talked about often and those are the only two people who need to discuss when they are planning to have kids. You don’t need to ask them because they aren’t going to give you an honest answer anyway.

2) Anything relating to finances

If I had a dollar for every time someone gave me unsolicited financial advice I wouldn’t need any advice because I would be in the same tax bracket as Taylor Swift. People make all kinds of mistakes financially and I know a great deal of the time the only reason they are doing it is because they truly want to help, however it’s patronizing. For some unknown reason people take the fact that two people are now married to mean they are asking the world, “should we get a Roth IRA?”.

3) Where is your spouse?

This is a bizarre question I get asked often. Apparently when you are married you become conjoined twins. Believe it or not Morgan and I actually do things separately sometimes. No, it’s not because we hate each other, it’s because we love each other. I know many other friends who have experienced this as well. I don’t drag Morgan to the driving range just like she doesn’t drag me to Pure Barre. I will go watch a sporting event with a friend, she will go to dinner with friends. We don’t have to suffocate each other. If she is lost you will probably see something about it on Facebook.

4) How’s Married Life?

There is one answer to this question and that is some variation of the word, “good.” If you don’t say something short and positive it gets uncomfortable quickly. I’m not sure what kind of detailed information people are looking for when they ask this. I have thought about replying, “Things are looking better. We are on our 4th therapist and I think we are finally identifying the root cause of our problems.” Or maybe, “Well it was a huge mistake to get married but I’m trying to make the best of it. Do you have a spare bedroom or a couch I can crash on?” You don’t have to ask how married life is. It’s going great and if it weren’t going great they wouldn’t say otherwise.

If you are reading this and have asked me one of these questions before don’t think I’m offended. This is simply meant as a funny post about how newlyweds are constantly answering the same questions. Feel free to ask me anything but if it is one of the questions above be ready for a snarky comeback.