People-Pleaser

I am jealous of people who don’t care how others feel about them. I envy those who can do whatever and not worry about how others feel. I don’t think this is how anyone should live 24/7 but I am jealous of how different they are compared to me.

photo credit: Michael Rehfeldt via creative commons

photo credit: Michael Rehfeldt via creative commons

We tend to look at others and see only the difference between us and them. Even if the difference isn’t good we desire it. It’s normal to look at someone who has less than 1% of body fat and want to have it for yourself. It’s another thing to look at someone and see a flaw and want it only because it is different.

I am a people-pleaser. I desperately want others to like me. I know this is one of the reasons I hate conflict. In true conflict you can’t please everyone. A compromise has to be met and nobody is fully satisfied.

Life is made up of many tough decisions. When I was first out of college and trying to handle the responsibility of being in the real world I didn’t know what to do most of the time. Half of growing up for me was pretending to know what to do in every situation. I felt ready to be an adult but I was amazed at how little I knew. Even now I don’t know as much as I want to know. I always felt there would be a year where everything would click. I’m slowly coming to the understanding the longer I live the less I know.

Professional athletes always talk about the moment when things slow down for them and they can predetermine what they want to do instead of reacting. I think in life certain things slow down. I don’t worry about retirement or savings because I have a plan. At the same time is there ever a point where you feel comfortable with your retirement or savings plan? What number is good enough? We want backing. It reminds me of the Don Draper quote about happiness: “It’s a billboard on the side of the road that screams with reassurance that whatever you’re doing is OK.”

We are all looking for a sign like a billboard or advertisement on a wall that whatever we are doing is OK. I don’t want to make mistakes because they disappoint others. People expect mistakes from immature kids but when you are an adult you aren’t allowed that luxury, unless you are Ryan Lochte.

I want to make others happy by handling all my business on my own. I want others to not feel sorry for me and look at me and think I have it all together even though I don’t. Why are we so obsessed with what other people think about us? If you are doing the right thing why does it matter?

In the age of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and God knows what else will come out soon we all search for likes and mentions like it’s manna falling from Heaven and we have no other options to eat. Here’s an idea: Be Yourself and don’t worry if people like you. It will make you happier and the people who do like you will like you because of the person you are not because of the cardboard cutout you try to be.

I struggle with this immensely. I want to be popular. I hate admitting it but it’s 100% true. I want people to like me. If you try too hard for everyone to like you then nobody will. My closest relationships are those where I’m real and I know I need more of it and less people-pleasing.