Filtered Life

I am tired of being cold. Tired is an understatement. I’m angry with the cold weather and how it makes me feel.

created using Snapseed and Pic Stitch

created using Snapseed and Pic Stitch

Spring isn’t one of my favorite seasons but I always love to see it come because it means the cold days are all but gone. I don’t like to do a lot of outdoorsy things but this time of the year I want to stay outside. It feels like an out of body experience to walk outside with only a short sleeve shirt on and for it to feel good.

Something doesn’t feel right about spring. It’s the stage of the year which seems odd. Things start getting greener, the days are longer, there is more sunshine, but something doesn’t quite feel right.

It is hard to put my finger on what is missing. I spent so much time complaining about the weather in January and February I am not sure what to do when the weather is nice and there is no bad weather to complain about.

The nice thing about winter is I have an excuse not to do anything productive. It’s dark most of the day and it’s cold. Only the crazy people are running outside or truly staying active. However, when the weather changes I’m not ready for it. I’m still wanting to find excuses to be lazy. It’s like when your alarm goes off on Monday morning. I long so badly for it to be Saturday morning. There are so many things I wanted to do over the weekend but in reality if I had another day I probably wouldn’t get anything done.

There are so many things I want to do that at times it is paralyzing and I don’t get anything done. I want to write, I want to go for a hike, I want to go look at that piece of furniture we have been talking about buying. Instead, I end up watching a TV show I could care less about and end up sitting confused Monday morning in my cubicle wondering what happened.

In a way I feel the season is necessary to push me along. It’s another reminder that things are changing. Seasons change and we are required to change the way we dress. You don’t walk out of the house in shorts and a t-shirt in January, the same way you don’t walk out of the house with a coat and gloves on in July.

I’m in a rut. I don’t feel like writing. I don’t feel like working out. I feel like watching TV. It can be sports, Netflix, a cooking show, whatever it is, I am interested. I don’t even feel like reading.

I can’t flip a switch. I want to stay in this dark place I’m in but I know I need to come out of it. Isolation has benefits but it is a lonely, barren place. I want my life to be green. I want bright colors to fill my eyesight. I am tired of the dark grayness. It isn’t what I see though. Take a real assessment of where you are at. Chances are the winter has had more of an impact on you than you are willing to admit. Do something about it. Go outside and enjoy it. It feels awkward and uncomfortable and that is even more of a reason to walk outside and experience it.

I walked outside the other day and saw what I put above. It didn’t ignite the passion I hoped it would but it made me want to keep trying. Sometimes things can get tough. You want to automatically be out of the rut you are in but it doesn’t work that way. I’m going to keep going on walks. I’m going to keep pushing myself to try new things. I want to curl up on my couch in the late afternoon and pretend it’s cold outside but that won’t help anything. I’m going to live a filtered life. The reality might not be as beautiful as I would like, similar to the image on the left, but if you look at the filtered image on the right it is almost flawless. Colors are more crisp and the water has a shimmer. Allow yourself to live a filtered life. It won’t immediately cause you to come out of your rut but it will allow you a moment of beauty. Sometimes it is all we need.