It’s hard to admit I am bad at something. There are certain things, like repairing anything, I can gladly admit I can’t do. If I had to be a handyman to make money I would be either extremely poor or everyone would have major issues with things I had “repaired” at their homes.
I like to think I can write well. However, sometimes I will click on a blog I have never read before, written by someone who I don’t know, and I will find myself enamored with their writing. I think, this is how writing is supposed to look. I then pull up something I have written and it reminds me of a letter an 8 year old writes to Santa without the cuteness factor.
It’s hard to read someone who I have never heard of, write something which is so good. And it happens all of the time.
In my current role at work I feel extremely confident in what I’m doing. I have been doing it for several years and I’m good at it. It is one of those things I’m good at naturally. I’m not trying to gloat but we all have strengths and I have found something to do for a living which is a strength.
I’m starting a new position in January and I don’t know if I will be good at it or not. I have confidence in myself I can learn the position and I will use my work ethic to become the best I can be to excel. Trying hard isn’t always enough though.
I was listening to Larry David get interviewed by Bill Simmons recently and he said something funny (surprising right?) about challenging himself.
Bill Simmons: I love that you keep challenging yourself though.
Larry Daivd: I don’t.
Simmons: No that’s good. That’s a good quality.
Daivd: (laughing) It might be a good quality for someone else.
You can watch the full interview here. (This part starts at the 20:00 mark.)
That’s how I feel right now. In my career I am challenging myself to start a new position and I might not be good at it. In my writing I am trying to get better. I want to be the best I can be but I also want to be better than anyone else you read. I feel like instead of driving my car on the road I am driving it through a body of water. And sometimes it turns out like driving a car through water.
I love to say I like challenging myself but when it comes down to actually challenging myself I regret it.
Why can’t I stay on the road and drive like others? Why can’t I be content working a 9-5 job, not taking risks, and living like so many other seemingly happy people do?
I think about where I want to be in five years and I don’t really know. There are a lot of directions I want to go in but I don’t really know where those roads will take me and it scares me not to have a defined route.
There is a Mark Batterson quote from his book, All In, which I have tried to push myself to live out.
The quote is, “it’s time to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.”
The purpose of life is not to travel down a defined path at a safe speed knowing where you are going. When I look back on the scary and uncertain times they were almost always followed by amazing experiences I never would have experienced had I not taken a risk.
So when you don’t know where you are going remember the point of life is not to be cautious. It sounds simple but it’s hard to live out. However, if you do live it out you will experience something safety can’t offer.