We Can’t Delete the Past

Maybe this is not my most embarrassing moment but it is fairly recent so the freshness of the moment makes me feel like it’s the most embarrassing.

My wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, decided to look at Facebook on my phone. No big deal I don’t have anything to hide…or at least that’s what I thought. I remember her laughing very hard and I thought someone had put some odd picture up or posted some strange status but unfortunately not.

“Who is this?” She said with an astonished look on her face. As I looked at the screen I began to feel my stomach tightening up. “Oh…uh…I don’t…what are you looking at?” I said something along those lines hoping she would suddenly suffer from amnesia. Morgan had looked all the way back at the first messages I had sent on Facebook from 2006-2007 and all I can say is it was quite a trip down memory lane.

As she was reading the conversations out loud I could not believe what I heard. Nothing that embarrassing…actually it was extremely embarrassing. Every single sentence of every message was humiliating.

I would like to delete those messages. Not delete them from Facebook but erase them for ever happening. It sounds crazy to say because it is not possible. However, I find myself pretending it can happen. If I ignore a situation or try to delete it from my memory it does nothing. It does not change the fact it happened.

There are several events I wish I could delete in my past. I wish there was a way to get rid of them and I wish the people I hurt would forget about them as well. Sometimes I forget I have messed up in the past. I am quick to judge other people when I see them screw up and I wonder what they are thinking.

Although sometimes I try to ignore the past, other times the guilt from the past can seem insurmountable. I always go back to God’s grace. When you look at the Bible there are so many people who God used that had some really checkered pasts and did some really bad things. It is difficult for me to wrap my head around God’s grace. When I look at the way he used people like Moses, David, Paul, and many others I am comforted by the fact that He loves me in spite of my shortcomings.

Today I want to focus on God’s grace. No matter how bad I mess up or no matter how badly I have hurt others God’s grace is bigger and He loves me more than I can fathom.